I know him by name, we've chatted on the phone quite a bit, but never had the face to face, or, beer to beer... but 'Tucky, as he is known at TDC is a good guy.
So I opted to construct a Sunday Sideshow and use all his links this time. Well, this week, he sent me a bunch of different pictorial slide shows. Only two links. I'd posted on the Saturday that I was going to do it, and now, I had some more work cut out for myself.
An idea occurred, so I took some Ibuprofen for the headache.
It was this: DO the column in Tucky's voice. Except, make him sound like a raunchy redneck. This could be fun! I went and trolled around for some links for TDCer's to check out, and then went on a pron hunt, which turned out decent.
Then I made a story out of some of the picture slide shows he'd gotten in his emails.
Judge for yourself, the result:
Well hey there ya gosh darned fist-fuckin cousin-kissin monkey-licker!
This here Sunday Sideshow is a look into the purty mouth of the Dirty South.
Go shoo the old lady and the brats off to the mall, call the cousin, close the blinds, lock the door, get out some napkins and your favorite lube. Bacon grease works just fine, but, butter is better.
Read this shit I done found in my email. It’s all true!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.... It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?
When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me....”
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
To get some peace and quiet for once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
I got some fambly snapshots to show ya. Check ‘em out.
Here's what happens when you have a leak in an acetylene tank in yore van. Dresses up the neighborhood nicley, ya think?
We had to move to the lakeside whilst the trailer was gettin' repaired. Well, it got a bit chilly at night,
So we made like the Injuns and got us some teepees.
Can you see the outhouse? It's the second Teepee.
Acourse, had to get around in the snow. So I put this together.
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Our trailer sure is sorely missed. That makes me think of TIMT. Here's a ride I could build for him like his SilverStream just not silver.
Shoot, I could build one for you TDC folks, if ya like. Someone hated their driver enough in this one. Imagine if it was raining?
I get my skills from my gramps. Grammy wove him this cute basket for his bike. He and cousin uncle Eddy used to drive off to Charlottesville for some fun.
Here’s how we make punkin pie where I come from.
How we look in our innards, y’all.
Here’s Cousin Becky Sue Sarah reading Shartner on Conan O’Brien’s show.
Here’s something from up in Willie’s direction. Rent A Husband dude gets sued. Man, can’t a hubby get a break? Even a temporary one? Shoot.
Something Willie would like. He lives next door to that horror writin dude who wrote Carrie. Stephen King donates bucks, as long as it ain’t an unlucky number amount.
This story is in time for the Holidays. Two guys living in a damn cave suddenly inherit billions of cash money. Their Lawyer’s name is Zoltan. How cool is that?
Now for some pron. Here’s a song to get your stroke on, ya stink-fingered chicken-pluckin dingle-dangler.
Southern Pride, y’all. This is how we do it. Can anyone say “Family Re-union!” ‘Course, the word “Union” sticks in my craw a bit.
Jody by the pool, girl next door type that has a nice tan and big boobs. Wished I lived next door to her fine young thang…
Cousin luvvin, sister style. Yeehaw! That’s how ya do it!
Country style lady. All she’s missing is gravy on her biscuits. Man gravy.
Nekkid neighbor, get out your camera!
Here’s that hot chick everyone’s talking about in them motion pictures.
This girl’s got long legs, all the way up to her neck. “Ma’am, exactly how long are your legs?” “Why sir, they go all the way up.” I’d like to go all the way Up.
To my uncle Richard, we’d sometimes ask, “Got any gum on ya Dick?” Bubble yum, here.
Finally, here’s a site that will take you till Monday AM and late for work. Don’t fergit to clean up the keyboard when yerr done!
I hope ya liked the Southern Style Sunday Side Show, ya teeny-twiddlin one-clean-fingered gusher-luvvin biddie-banger!
Tucky is off to the henhouse, cuz.
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